Her
by corny sloth
Summary: He hopes she hates him. LilyJames. Twoshot.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter, names, characters and indicia are solely JK Rowling's. I do not take credit for any thing you recognize in this story.

-&-

**Her  
**  
-&-

Her breath speads up and her back archs against him, and a low guttural moan escapes her throat, her fingers clawing at his back.

"Oh my god," she breathes, as he rolls on his back beside her. "Is it just me, or this keeps getting better?"

He lets out a chuckle, deep and guttural and looks at her with dark amused eyes. She stretches out her arms and legs, wrapping the sheet around her small form.

"I'm tired," she yawns. He nods mutely and slips out of her bed, searching for his clothes on the floor, before kissing her lightly on the forehead and leaving the room.

He takes a deep breath the moment he's out of the room, guilt gnawing at his chest.

He can't say a word.

-&-

He feels her gaze on him as he eats his breakfast the next day with his friends and it makes him uneasy so he tries to act casual, like last night or the night before that, or the one before that never happened.

It shouldn't have anyway.

His gaze catches hers and she immediately looks away, and the guilt washes over him again.

Later, Emeline Vance approaches him and asks him to walk her to class, and he can't not agree so they leave the Great Hall together, chattering away animatedly, and he briefly glances her way as he passes by her seat, to see shock and betrayal written all over her face.

His stomach churns unpleasantly and he's frustrated with himself.

He feels guilty and angry and selfish.

A downright hypocrite.

-&-

"Are you going out with her?" She asks him bluntly, later that same day while he's sitting in one of the corners of the Common Room finishing up his homework.

He looks up and frowns at her, confused.

"Emmeline Vance. Are you going out with her? Because if you are, we should really end this," She continues, and he gulps at the horrified look on her face. So he lies because he can't bare to see the betrayal in her eyes again.

He can feel a huge weight being lifted off her shoulders when he shakes his head. "Well, good. Because I didn't really want this to end," she says and he still can't say a word, afraid his shaking voice will betray him, so he just watches her, curious about the emotion in her eyes.

"Do you want to go up to my room?" She asks tentatively and he panics and avoids her eyes by glancing at his homework hesitantly.

"Later," He finally says and she nods slowly before walking away from him and joining Alice in front of the fire.

Later, when the Commons were almost empty, he sees Emmeline going up to her dorm, beckoning him to follow her.

He doesn't think twice about it.

-&-

"Why didn't you show up last night?" The hurt is so painfully obvious in her voice that his heart tightens and he winces. "I waited until two o'clock for you."

He still can't look at her so he shrugs, not taking his eyes off the Daily Prophet. "Studying ran late," he mumbles.

"Why are you treating me like this?" She hisses, and he musters up the most apathetic expression on his face and meets her gaze, and she looks like she wants to slap him. He hopes she does because he sure as hell deserves it.

"Treating you how, Evans? I'm just telling you studying ran late, and my studies are far more important than sex, you know?"

He notices how she cringes at the sound of her last name and the guilt monster in his chest gnaws at him again.

"Right," She whispers, and he can see the tears in her eyes and he almost wants to cry as well.

She picks up her satchel and leaves the table and he watches her walking away from him, silently begging her to stop, to come back, to understand.

He pushes his plate away.

-&-

At night, he comes up to her while she's reading a book in the Commons and asks if she'd like to join him in his room.

He could feel her hesitation and he almost hopes she declines.

"Okay," She finally whispers and follows him up to his dorm.

The room is dark and messy and she has barely stepped inside when he grabs her arm and kisses her forcefully, desperately, trying to convey his regret to her, and she responds just as urgently, pulling him closer to her, running her hands through his hair and down his back and he closes his eyes tightly, relishing the feel of her warm form against him.

Her soft sighs echo in his ears and his hands and lips run wildely across her body and he lays her down on his bed, exploring every inch of her skin.

He's sorry. He whispers it against her skin over and over again, but he doesn't think she can hear him amidst her moans and sighs.

He'll tell her later.

-&-

It's quiet and dark and he's almost falling asleep, having his head on her chest, her soft fingers running through his hair, lulling him to sleep and during that perfect little moment, she was perfect and it was that little girl he had fallen in love with three years ago.

And then he can feel her heart speed up under him, and her chest trembles with a chocked sob and he pulls away from her, his own heart squeezing painfully against his ribcage.

"What's wrong?" He asks quietly and she just shakes her head. "I know you, Lily. What's wrong?"

She shakes her head again, holding back a sob. "You smell amazing," She whispers. "Have I told you that before? I love your smell," She chuckles tritely, tears brimming in her eyes and he feels his throat clog up.

He sighs deeply, and runs a hand across his face. "You're falling for me," he declares and she averts her eyes from his gaze.

"Merlin, Evans," He breathes, looking away from her and running a hand through his hair. "Not now… Why now?"

Why now? Why now that he's finally agreed to date Emmeline Vance, did she finally realize she had feelings for him?

"What's so wrong with now?" She whispers, shrugging nonchalantly, a maniacal chuckle escaping her throat.

"It was just sex, Lily. Nothing more."

He deserves to rot in hell for using her own words against her.

Her lips tremble. She runs.

He hopes she hates him.

-&-

**-Fin-**

**A/N:** Yes I know, James is terrible, but I actually really like this imperfect side of him. Anyway, im not sure if im going to continue the story like I did with "Him", but you never know.

Anyway, it was my birthday two days ago, you guys! I'm 20 and unfortunately no longer a teenager. It makes me sad. Reviews are a perfect way to cheer me up (and a great birthday present too)


	2. Chapter 2

He can't show his face at breakfast the next day.

He doesn't think he can face the music this soon, so he lingers behind in his dorm until it was time for class and when he arrives to the dungeons, he sees _her_, her face in her hands and he thinks she's crying, although he doesn't hear her sobs.

He retreats quietly back to the corridor and runs away, a coward at heart.

He buys time by going to the bathroom and washing his face, but by the time he comes back, the class has started and she's the only one left without a partner.

He can barely look at her, and his heart feels like it's going to jump out of his chest, and he can barely speak more than a couple of words to her, his throat clogged up.

He accidently bumps into her hand while adding ingredients to the potion and their eyes lock for half a millisecond, and it's the most horrific millisecond in his life, because her eyes are filled with tears and her hair is frizzy, and he can't help the guilt gnawing at his chest.

When the bell rings announcing the end of the period, he's out of his seat faster than she can say 'sorry', with a quick 'bye' thrown at her back.

His friends are glaring at him throughout lunch and it was all he could do to ignore them.

She's sitting as far away from him as possible and he's grateful for it.

He leaves the Great Hall with Emmeline Vance.

-&-

He's an idiot.

A stupid, selfish, hypocritical idiot.

There are no other words for it.

There's a nagging pain in his chest, and as he watches Emmeline's face swoop down to kiss him, he closes his eyes tightly because all he can see and feel is _her,_ the image of her broken face burned on his retina.

"James, can you help me a little out here?" Emmeline's voice seems so far away and her hair is a dull blond, and her eyes a pale blue, and all he can see is red and green.

He blinks up at her and clears his throat. "I'm sorry, I-I have to go." He scrambles up and grabs his clothes, almost tripping on his shoes.

He pauses when he reaches the door and looks back at her confused face, a hand running through his hair. "I'm sorry," He mumbles again, and he wishes he can say it to _her_, and if he does, if she would even hear it.

-&-

He's taken to staring at her again.

He hasn't spoken a word to her since Potions two weeks ago, and he can tell how unnerved she was by his staring.

She'd shift in her seat, blow at her bangs, roll her eyes and complain to Alice, and it amuses him.

He finds her a couple of days later in the Library, on a Saturday, as always, and he takes a seat right across the room from her. He stares at her again and he can feel uneasiness radiating off of her, and it pleases him to know he still makes her nervous.

He writes the words "I'm sorry" on a paper airplane and sends it her way, busying himself with a piece of paper when she looks his way suspiciously.

The moment she opens the paper, he chooses to disappear.

-&-

He's sleeping when she finds him.

He's surprised to see her and his heart is beating madly against his chest, because she's there, and her eyes are so bright and green and he can't look away from her face.

"I'm sorry," He whispers, brushing his fingers against hers. She looks down at their hands and he slowly links them together, and he's hoping she doesn't pull away.

"I don't – I don't know why…" He mutters, pulling her against him and running a hand through her hair and brushing his nose against hers, and he doesn't know what he's saying. "I was such an idiot, I don't know why I did this to you, I can't-" He's panting and his lips are pressing against hers and he's speaking into her mouth, nonsense to his own ears, and he can feel her trembling and kissing him back, climbing into his lap and wrapping her arms around him. "I can't believe how stupid—" She keeps cutting him off and he doesn't think she wants him explaining himself.

Her hands are on his face and his are in her hair and her breaths are coming out in small gasps against his skin, and _her_ skin, it was so soft and delicate and he can't stop touching her.

His fingers are dancing down her back, kneading her mound and pressing her against his erection, and his lips are tasting her neck and biting at the gossamer flesh.

"I've missed you," He whispers in her ear, before nipping at it and she shudders, moaning deep in her throat, her hands tugging at his shirt, pressing him closer to her, and he feels like she's still too far away.

It somehow feels like the end, when he rids her of her undergarments and her body is suddenly so close and warm and yielding, and he groans deep in his throat.

"I've missed you," He whispers again, this time against her lips, the slow torturous movements of her hips against his and her soft gasps in his ear. "So much…"

He hugs her tightly against his chest, kissing her deeply and languidly, and she's that girl he fell in love with again, her heart beating against his, and he thinks, it will always be her.

-fin-

**A/N:** So here it is, finally, the sequel to "her". I hope you like it. I personally don't, because it's "him" all over again, but I guess that's what you get from writing the same story in a different POV. I did like that it was in a guy's perspective however. I find it a good change. Anyway, I await your reviews! Lots of love.


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